The Footstop Café
a novel by Paulette Crosse.
Run by Karen Morton, the eccentric, sex-fantasy-prone mother in a hilarious yet deeply troubled dysfunctional family in North Vancouver, the Footstop Cafe is a place to put your feet up near the beautiful but tragedy-plagued Lynn Canyon and its vertigo-inspiring footbridge. It's the canyon and the cafe that serve as the nexus around which Karen's universe revolves. Things happen here. Amazing things.
Karen's husband is a podiatrist with a foot fetish, her teen daughter thinks she's a lesbian but is afraid to confront the reality, and her younger son is given to bowel movements in closets and the building of bombs. Throw in Karen's unconventional Anglican minister father and Tibetan wife, a hairy, fat male belly dancer named Moey, a randy virgin high-school boy diver with Olympic ambitions, and a host of other quirky, unforgettable characters and you have a debut novel that is at turns absurdist, touching, manic, and supremely irreverent.
Excerpt from The Footstop Cafe
When Karen Morton masturbates, this is what she does.
She chooses a carrot, an organic carrot, from within a cello bag in her fridge. The carrot must not be too slim at the tapered end, or it will break off during its employment (she has learned this through experience, and there is nothing so sensuously dampening as poking around in one's vagina in search of a lost carrot end).
Chosen carrot is then peeled and both ends are chopped off, being that the tapered end occasionally has wispy filaments attached to it and the blunt end is far too reminiscent of manure and farmers' Wellington boots.
Thus amputated and denuded, the carrot is placed in the microwave for twenty-six seconds. This takes the refrigerator chill off the vegetable and endows it with a stimulating heat. Occasionally the tapered end will sizzle at this point, sometimes steam. If in the correct mood, Karen likes to imagine that the carrot is protesting, weeping like a virgin, and that she will ignore its feeble cries and thrust it into herself with a dominance that will silence it.
Available at Dundurn Press